A personal journey through the web and my head...

for real. 

The only reason there is still life on the planet is because I haven’t decided to destroy it yet…

I’m too busy being annoyed with everything to actually destroy it. 

The world could end today

It really could end today…

It doesn’t have to be through a calamity 

Something so terrible that no living being would endure

It could just end.

The purpose of every end 

Is just to let another beginning take place

The end of the world, essentially is a change of awareness

For every living thing.

The end of what we know 

And the beginning of what we’ll know

Doesn’t have to be tragic. We don’t all have to die for it to be

We could just take a moment

To start directing our awareness 

Towards a similar objective, to a similar idea

We don’t all have to meet in the next and new awareness

We could just be

With whoever decides to show up

In the new…

Still 

I figure we will not just shift our awareness of what is

Towards an unknown idea of what is.

What should we concentrate on?

I think

That wherever we have driven ourselves as a species

Requires the purging effects of calamity

Otherwise our awareness

Won’t shift.

I’ll dream of a new place

And I will dream of a new place in time

I will purge myself through thought, and exclusively through thought

I’ll be.

it is easy to believe there is a god. It would be actually comforting to talk to it, believing it hears me and consoles me and has some sort of power to address my very human issue…  But I can’t make myself believe there is a god out there who is my friend, for not even god is my friend today…

I thought about deleting Facebook

But I don’t think that is enough

I could end up deleting tumblr

because I need to get out of

the Internet

I used to have lots of friends, once, an entire street of them. I was always busy, had someone to talk to, someone to hang out with. I could just reach out for the phone, or go out to the street and I would find someone, often even a group of people ready to mix, and mingle, and be around me. 

Suddenly my interests changed. I was more focused in studying, and working, and this group of friends disappeared. They grew up, found jobs, left their homes, left the country. From them I was able to keep a few close friends. It took a little more effort, and often some planning, but I would still be able to find someone to talk to, or hang out with. Although it often required preparation and driving. Rarely would any of those friends appear at my door,  more often it was me the one putting the effort in reaching out.

Those friends left too, most of them out of the country, one into the westernmost part of the island, but I still had one who had been before 15 minutes away who then was 30 minutes away. I felt abandoned to say the least, and this 30 minute drive away friend although an awesome person, I always felt that it was a one sided friendship. She said she loved me and loved having me around, but everything we ever did together was mostly about her, rarely about me. 

Now, she’s leaving farther than any of my other friends. She had left me before, I know I will no longer miss her. But still… I’ll be friendless now, and I don’t think I want another one sided relationship with anyone else. 

Let the stars fall to the Earth

Let the abyss open its mouth

Let the locusts raid the fields

Let the earth tremble and shake

I’m oh so tired of beginnings

I’m oh so tired of the wait

I was promised Apocalypse

Let life on Earth come to an end.

well, not really happy, but I feel better.

Cuz I’m really miserable when I think you could be happy.

I wish I could just let the rain fall

I wish rain could efface you from my memory

from my history… 

from the face of the earth…

• How can I have a personal experience of god if all I know of god was force fed by someone who thinks has a personal experience of god?
• How can I develop my faith if I’m always told what to believe in?
• How can I learn to rely on myself when everything I ever wanted to do for myself was not something I could or should have done?
• How can people buy the shit the big companies are selling if they are giving the jobs of making said shit to foreigners who won’t readily buy the shit they sell, but buy the shit they need to survive?
• What will happen when the people who are buying the shit are so indebted   that they won’t be able to buy any more shit?
• How can I be true to myself if all I know of me is the residual outcome of what my parents, my religion, my politicians, my teachers, and my television told me I was?

y entonces entro hoy y posteo algo de Mark Twain… Quisiera entrar mas seguido, pero dado que mi internet suckea bien duro (porque es mas lento que una caravana de cojos en tiempo de bolero) prefiero irme a dormir…

aqui hay una foto mia con un nido en la cabeza…

but then again, he might be talking about my body temperature which is actually 1.5 degrees lower than the national average of 98.5… 

I’ve always been cold hearted. 

I read the thing…

There was a hot, young, drunk, naked man in my living room…

He was my house mate’s date…
He hugged me…

My house mate was embarrassed, but I held my lolling until I was able to leave the apartment…

so many people lie…